Does your partner support your DJ career?
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  1. #1
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    Default Does your partner support your DJ career?

    At the start of the year I was lucky enough to hold residencies four nights per week but unfortunately the bar I worked at got closed down.

    In the last few months I've been at home making promos and studio mixes and it seems they're starting to pay off a little more now as I have a few good gigs in the pipeline as well as starting a student night at a local bar.

    However I feel I don't get the support of my other half. We've been together 3 years and she's great, apart from the fact that whenever I go out to play or network, I get the guilt trip about leaving her alone. I always invite her to my gigs but she almost always says she's doesn't want to get in the way, feel like a sore thumb, won't like the music etc etc.

    Last night I finally got her to come meet me after my warm up set. I wanted her to come for the whole 90 mins but she said she didn't want to, using the above reasons. So she turned up at 11 when I finished and we had a few drinks together while my mate played. By 12:30 she was tired so I said I'd walk her home and then come back to the bar to pack my laptop etc away. She said that's fine so I took her home and put her to bed but then she starts telling me not to go out afterwards. I tell her that I need to go to an after hours club for a bit to meet some of the DJs and promoters that my mate knows, with the hopes of getting a set in there.

    Now for some reason, even though she wanted to go to bed, this was the worst thing I could ever do! She said she was sick of me being out all the time (2 of the last 4 weekends we've spent together. I generally go out on the Saturday night if she's working he Sunday, which is usually fortnightly) and basically said I never want to spend time with here. At the moment it's literally only every other Saturday that I go do my own thing. We spend the other 6 nights per week together...

    And I also get stick if I've been at home in the studio all day as she thinks it doesn't count as work, even though I'm trying to make the tracks and mixes that I hope will get me into the local scene. If I've been in and haven't made dinner by the time she gets back all hell breaks loose. Even if as soon as she's back I offer to go to the shops and make dinner right away.

    I'm just blabbing now so gonna stop for a while but I just don't know what to do. I don't feel I can compromise any more than I already do. I've gone from 16 gigs a month to just a few and it's still not good enough!

    We've been together 3 years so it's not just a fling either!

    I should also add that my intention is to play out 2-3 nights per week. 2 mid week and one weekend slot. For me this what I want to do with my life and what makes me happy.

    Thoughts?
    Last edited by spirez; 09-30-2012 at 07:11 AM.

  2. #2
    Tech Guru Liambo's Avatar
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    One thing men will never do - understand females.

    It's sad to hear that she is trying to restrict your music career. If your passionate about it all which it sounds like you are, doesn't matter how long you have been together, it's your life and you only live once so why let someone restrict your experience?

    I'm fortunate enough to have an other half that supports me 100% by forcing me on my decks or into the studio when i'm lacking motivation..

  3. #3
    Tech Guru Bassline Brine's Avatar
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    Yes and no.

    Honestly, it's mostly a neutral thing I feel. She supports me being passionate about something... but does get bothered sometimes with me being out and about so often.

    The big thing being once I actually started getting gigs, and not just networking and promoting, then it was a lot more acceptable for her. Before that, I used to catch a lot of shit about it honestly, but now that it's actually paying off she has less to say.

    She's not really into the music, but does come out sometimes to support and be social :P
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  4. #4

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    Blow her out and move on, As somebody has already said you are only here once. Been there got the t-shirt. Yes it will suck for a while but nobody should hold you back with guilt trips or any other reason.

    My Wife fully supports my hobby's even though she has no real interest in one of them she is happy I'm happy and I'm the same with her.

  5. #5

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    Of course she does. She's my biggest fan. That's why I married her.

    Plus, I haven't had a day job in over a year. DJ'ing is my only source of income right now so she has no choice but to support me as much as she can.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by spirez View Post
    At the start of the year I was lucky enough to hold residencies four nights per week but unfortunately the bar I worked at got closed down.

    In the last few months I've been at home making promos and studio mixes and it seems they're starting to pay off a little more now as I have a few good gigs in the pipeline as well as starting a student night at a local bar.

    However I feel I don't get the support of my other half. We've been together 3 years and she's great, apart from the fact that whenever I go out to play or network, I get the guilt trip about leaving her alone. I always invite her to my gigs but she almost always says she's doesn't want to get in the way, feel like a sore thumb, won't like the music etc etc.

    Last night I finally got her to come meet me after my warm up set. I wanted her to come for the whole 90 mins but she said she didn't want to, using the above reasons. So she turned up at 11 when I finished and we had a few drinks together while my mate played. By 12:30 she was tired so I said I'd walk her home and then come back to the bar to pack my laptop etc away. She said that's fine so I took her home and put her to bed but then she starts telling me not to go out afterwards. I tell her that I need to go to an after hours club for a bit to meet some of the DJs and promoters that my mate knows, with the hopes of getting a set in there.

    Now for some reason, even though she wanted to go to bed, this was the worst thing I could ever do! She said she was sick of me being out all the time (2 of the last 4 weekends we've spent together. I generally go out on the Saturday night if she's working he Sunday, which is usually fortnightly) and basically said I never want to spend time with here. At the moment it's literally only every other Saturday that I go do my own thing. We spend the other 6 nights per week together...

    And I also get stick if I've been at home in the studio all day as she thinks it doesn't count as work, even though I'm trying to make the tracks and mixes that I hope will get me into the local scene. If I've been in and haven't made dinner by the time she gets back all hell breaks loose. Even if as soon as she's back I offer to go to the shops and make dinner right away.

    I'm just blabbing now so gonna stop for a while but I just don't know what to do. I don't feel I can compromise any more than I already do. I've gone from 16 gigs a month to just a few and it's still not good enough!

    We've been together 3 years so it's not just a fling either!

    I should also add that my intention is to play out 2-3 nights per week. 2 mid week and one weekend slot. For me this what I want to do with my life and what makes me happy.

    Thoughts?
    Sorry to say it, but it sounds like maybe she's not the right girl for you.

    The obvious cue being that she wants to stay home, but since you want to go out, she wants you to stay or makes you feel guilty about it. So not only does she not support your career, but she doesn't want you to be out when she's at home.

    My wife is more of a home-body than I am, but she doesn't make me feel guilty about going out. She understands that we're different people with different needs. I go out maybe 50% more than she does, but I'm more than happy to stay home if she wants me to. She's also the biggest supporter of my DJ career, despite the fact that she doesn't really "party" anymore. She's taken a lot for the team, and I know I can always count on her to be front and centre despite whether it's her scene or not.

  7. #7
    Tech Mentor
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    Sounds like your girl just needs your attention.

    Quote Originally Posted by spirez View Post
    At the start of the year I was lucky enough to hold residencies four nights per week but unfortunately the bar I worked at got closed down.

    In the last few months I've been at home making promos and studio mixes and it seems they're starting to pay off a little more now as I have a few good gigs in the pipeline as well as starting a student night at a local bar.

    However I feel I don't get the support of my other half. We've been together 3 years and she's great, apart from the fact that whenever I go out to play or network, I get the guilt trip about leaving her alone. I always invite her to my gigs but she almost always says she's doesn't want to get in the way, feel like a sore thumb, won't like the music etc etc.

    Last night I finally got her to come meet me after my warm up set. I wanted her to come for the whole 90 mins but she said she didn't want to, using the above reasons. So she turned up at 11 when I finished and we had a few drinks together while my mate played. By 12:30 she was tired so I said I'd walk her home and then come back to the bar to pack my laptop etc away. She said that's fine so I took her home and put her to bed but then she starts telling me not to go out afterwards. I tell her that I need to go to an after hours club for a bit to meet some of the DJs and promoters that my mate knows, with the hopes of getting a set in there.

    Now for some reason, even though she wanted to go to bed, this was the worst thing I could ever do! She said she was sick of me being out all the time (2 of the last 4 weekends we've spent together. I generally go out on the Saturday night if she's working he Sunday, which is usually fortnightly) and basically said I never want to spend time with here. At the moment it's literally only every other Saturday that I go do my own thing. We spend the other 6 nights per week together...

    And I also get stick if I've been at home in the studio all day as she thinks it doesn't count as work, even though I'm trying to make the tracks and mixes that I hope will get me into the local scene. If I've been in and haven't made dinner by the time she gets back all hell breaks loose. Even if as soon as she's back I offer to go to the shops and make dinner right away.

    I'm just blabbing now so gonna stop for a while but I just don't know what to do. I don't feel I can compromise any more than I already do. I've gone from 16 gigs a month to just a few and it's still not good enough!

    We've been together 3 years so it's not just a fling either!

    I should also add that my intention is to play out 2-3 nights per week. 2 mid week and one weekend slot. For me this what I want to do with my life and what makes me happy.

    Thoughts?

  8. #8
    Tech Guru dripstep's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forums.

    Sorry to hear that, it kinda sucks. I made it abundantly clear to the last girl I dated that I rockclimb, skateboard and work on music as much as possible, and that if she wanted a relationship she needed to be ok with me wanting my own space. (Climbing 4-5 times a week, skateboarding when its nice, and music whenever) She was cool with it for a while, but in the end, there wasn't enough time for a relationship at this point in my life. (Not young either, I'm turning 28 in less than a month)

    Maybe you just need some "you" time, so you can focus on your passions without having to feel guilty about it.
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  9. #9
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    Yeah it's just annoying as she's such a great girl and good ones are hard to find. We had a bust up the other day too as I launched a student night Tuesday and to cut a long story short, she turned up and got the hump because I didn't get time to chill out with her as I was running round like a mad man sorting out the promo team and DJS.

    She can't get her head around the fact that this is my job and a good source of income in hard times. I also run a PT business which is quiet right now as people are cutting back on things like that. She gets a LOT of my attention, The main reason she can't see me as much is because she works long hours in the day. But we still spend around 5 nights per week together, if not more.

    It's just tough as literally the only thing we argue about is when she can't be with me. No trust issues, no emotional baggage. Just this!

  10. #10
    Tech Mentor ST.PE`'s Avatar
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    Some GF's= crazy awesome supportive.

    Some GF's= crazy F'n jealous.

    As the ones being supportive i felt like it made me want to do more and include them in what i was doing.
    for the jealous ones, i'm glad i dj, bc it showed their true colors quicker before we got serious.

    If music is a huge part of your life and she doesn't support it, might not just be her cup of tea, or it might show that she is selfish.

    but like Liambo said... not one of us understand females at all.

    so just talk with her about it.

    its 8am and i havent had my coffee yet.. will resume this convo in a few hours haha
    Beatslicing for the bitches

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