The Dirty Jokes Thread [NSFW]
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  1. #1
    Tech Guru sarasin's Avatar
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    Default The Dirty Jokes Thread [NSFW]

    My old man is FULL of dirty jokes.

    We had a BBQ this weekend and he entertained us with endless jokes and limericks.

    One that I had a good laugh at:

    There was a man named Dave
    who fucked a dead dog in a cave
    I must admit, he was a bit of a shit,
    but think of all the money he saved!

    LOL

    Any good ones you care to share?

    I need to up my game with the old man!

    (he is 72 by the way and still drives a bigass motorcycle....)
    Last edited by Jester; 07-20-2013 at 06:54 AM.
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  2. #2
    Tech Guru VanGogo's Avatar
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    There was a farmer that needed a new rooster as his old one had passed away. So he goes to a fellow farmer, who said he had a rooster he was willing to sell. As he is buying the rooster, the other farmer tells him the rooster's name is Brewster, and that he had better keep an eye on him.
    "Why do I need to keep an eye on him?" the farmer asked.
    "Because he will do it with anything in sight." the other farmer answers.

    The farmer is a little confused, but decides to take Brewster anyway.

    Later that morning the farmer hears a wild commotion coming from the chicken pen. He rushes over to see what is going on, and there is Brewster. He has all the hens lined up and is going down the line fornicating like mad. The farmer looks at him and says "Brewster you had better slow down or you are going to kill yourself.

    As the farmer sits down to lunch, he hears his pigs squealing and making a racket. When he gets to the pig pen, there's Brewster with all the sows lined up going to it. The farmer looks at him and says "Brewster you had better slow down or you are going to kill yourself.

    In the afternoon, another commotion is heard in the pasture, and sure enough, there's Brewster with the cows lined up just going at it. The farmer looks at him and says "Brewster you had better slow down or you are going to kill yourself.

    As the sun is starting to set the farmer notices buzzards are circling something in the field. When he goes to investigate, he finds poor Brewster laying motionless in the field. The farmer looks down and says "I told you you would kill yourself if you didn't slow down"

    Brewster opens one eye and says "Shhh they're about to land"

  3. #3
    DJTT Moderator Dude Jester's Avatar
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    Default

    ^ lol!
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  4. #4
    Tech Guru sarasin's Avatar
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    HAHAHAHA Nice one VanGogo!!!


    A man witnessed a rape and was called to testify in court. The Judge asked him, "What did you you see sir?"
    The man replied, " I stood at the window and looked in m'Lord. They were fucking!"

    The judge stopped him and reminded him that they were in a court of law and he needed to choose his words more carefully.

    The man stood and thought for a while and replied:

    "His shirt was up, his arse was bare.
    His balls were hanging in the air.
    He put his u know what into her u know where.
    Now if that s not fucking m'Lord.... i wasn't there."

    HAHAHAHAHAHA
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  5. #5
    Tech Guru farhanashraf's Avatar
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    Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two big guys wearing hoodies arrive. Saint Peter looked out through the Gates and said, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
    Saint Peter goes over to God’s chambers and tells him who is waiting at the entrance. God says to Peter, “How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t be
    prejudiced and judgmental here. This is Heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!”

    Saint Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God’s chambers and says, “Well they’re gone.”

    “The guys wearing the hoodies?'” asked God.



    “No. The Pearly Gates”
    Quote Originally Posted by theory28 View Post
    iatf = in after the farhanashraf
    Quote Originally Posted by theory28 View Post
    its ibtf! iatf is too easy to get!
    who we r
    what we have done

  6. #6
    Tech Guru sarasin's Avatar
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    ^^ hahahahaha
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  7. #7
    Tech Guru VanGogo's Avatar
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    Lol good ones!

    What is the difference between a hooker, a girlfriend, and a wife?

    The hooker says " faster faster"

    The girlfriend says " slower slower"

    The wife says " beige...........I think I'll paint the ceiling beige"

  8. #8
    Tech Guru farhanashraf's Avatar
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    One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air and then catch them in his mouth.

    In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question and as he turned to answer her a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper.

    He called his wife for assistance, and after much trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.

    After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..
    The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.

    When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.
    Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'

    The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, I'd say, our son-in-law
    Quote Originally Posted by theory28 View Post
    iatf = in after the farhanashraf
    Quote Originally Posted by theory28 View Post
    its ibtf! iatf is too easy to get!
    who we r
    what we have done

  9. #9
    DJTT Mapping Ninja Moderator Stewe's Avatar
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    Woman came to the market and got in line with two other women at the counter with cucumbers. The first woman says: "I'll take this long and thin". Another said: "I pack a couple of shorter but thicker if possible". Finally she comes on line shop assistant spoke to her saying: What is that you want mam?

    "You will give me kilogram of cucumbers please" she said...

    "Which will it be smaller, bigger, rough, smooth... ?" seller asked...

    "It does not matter dear I need it for a salad"

  10. #10
    Tech Guru sarasin's Avatar
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    A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner.
    Catholic: I have a large fortune....I am going to buy Citibank!
    Protestant: I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!
    Muslim: I am a fabulously rich prince.... I will buy Microsoft!
    They then all wait for the Jew to speak....
    The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually says:
    I'm not selling.
    --
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