The Pains of Seperation
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  1. #1
    Tech Guru the_bastet's Avatar
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    Default The Pains of Seperation

    My wife and I recently seperated and got back together in February. Problem is, she thinks that DeeJaying is detrimental to our marriage. Ugh. What should I do?
    - Equipment - 2X Technics 1200, 2X Audio Technica ATLP1240, 2X XDJ700, 2X XDJ1000 MK2, Denon DNX-1100, Mixars DUO, DJM750 MK2, NI Audio 10, NI Aduio 4, Serato SL3, 4X Shure M44-7, 2X Ortofon Pro S, 2X Numark Groove Tool, Maschine MK3, Samson Carbon 49, Roland SE-02, Novation Launchcontrol, TouchOSC, Nocation Peak, Arturia MiniBrute, Korg Volca Kick, MicroKorg (Classic), NI Komplete Audio 6

  2. #2
    Tech Mentor Stazbumpa's Avatar
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    Are you making any money at it?
    Live rig: Denon Prime (5000M's)
    Retired: Denon x1700, Denon SC3900's, Traktor, Technics SL1200's, my vinyl
    Wish list: Some Roland Aira stuff.

  3. #3
    Tech Guru DJDoubleYou's Avatar
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    How much are you playing, couldn't you just cut back a little to a maximum of 1 hour a day average? Or is it a job and are your hours to difficult to work with for her?
    DN-X1600 | 2x X1 MKI | APC 20 | MC-505 | MF Pro & Spectra | Kontrol S4 MKI | XBoard 49

  4. #4
    Tech Guru the_bastet's Avatar
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    I work a full time job and get paid to deejay (two nights a weekend and a 2 hour radio spot every month).
    - Equipment - 2X Technics 1200, 2X Audio Technica ATLP1240, 2X XDJ700, 2X XDJ1000 MK2, Denon DNX-1100, Mixars DUO, DJM750 MK2, NI Audio 10, NI Aduio 4, Serato SL3, 4X Shure M44-7, 2X Ortofon Pro S, 2X Numark Groove Tool, Maschine MK3, Samson Carbon 49, Roland SE-02, Novation Launchcontrol, TouchOSC, Nocation Peak, Arturia MiniBrute, Korg Volca Kick, MicroKorg (Classic), NI Komplete Audio 6

  5. #5
    Tech Guru DJDoubleYou's Avatar
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    That isn't that much is it? I mean doesn't she have hobbies herself? Again we don't know your exact situation but it doesn't sound 100% reasonable.
    DN-X1600 | 2x X1 MKI | APC 20 | MC-505 | MF Pro & Spectra | Kontrol S4 MKI | XBoard 49

  6. #6
    Tech Mentor Stazbumpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hellnegative View Post
    I work a full time job and get paid to deejay (two nights a weekend and a 2 hour radio spot every month).
    I won't tell you what to do but I will tell you about me and you can draw your own conclusions from that. My work and gigging life is pretty much exactly the same as yours (except my radio slot is done for fun) and my girlfriend isn't exactly happy with me doing it either at the moment. It wasn't an issue until we had our daughter and she's been post natally depressed ever since, which coupled with her negative self image doesn't put her in the best frame of mind a lot of days and this feeds in to her opinion on me DJing.
    However, she does accept that she met me while I was DJ'ing and she also doesn't complain about the additional income which I'm obviously more than happy to use for the family's benefit. She complains occasionally but we both know that she would prefer me to be gigging than not.

    I'm lucky in that she doesn't want to change who I am, I've been DJing over 20 years now, but I am also mindfull of her illness and I don't want to have the "screw you, I'll do it anyway" attitude as that will cost me both her and my daughter. It's also not who I am. I have a back up guy I use to cover me if she's got something important planned, and although that's only occasional it does go a long way to helping matters.

    I'm not pretending this situation applies to you, but in there might be a gem of wisdom you can use. I don't know if there's kids involved in your predicament, if there are it does complicate matters (at least as far as she is concerned).
    Live rig: Denon Prime (5000M's)
    Retired: Denon x1700, Denon SC3900's, Traktor, Technics SL1200's, my vinyl
    Wish list: Some Roland Aira stuff.

  7. #7
    Tech Guru the_bastet's Avatar
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    We have two kids. My son and daughter. My wife also met me while I was dj'ing. I've been doing it for 15 years. Been married for 4. When we seperated it was due to my infidelity and she sees the edm scene as a playground for infidelity to happen.
    - Equipment - 2X Technics 1200, 2X Audio Technica ATLP1240, 2X XDJ700, 2X XDJ1000 MK2, Denon DNX-1100, Mixars DUO, DJM750 MK2, NI Audio 10, NI Aduio 4, Serato SL3, 4X Shure M44-7, 2X Ortofon Pro S, 2X Numark Groove Tool, Maschine MK3, Samson Carbon 49, Roland SE-02, Novation Launchcontrol, TouchOSC, Nocation Peak, Arturia MiniBrute, Korg Volca Kick, MicroKorg (Classic), NI Komplete Audio 6

  8. #8
    Tech Guru Nicky H's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hellnegative View Post
    When we seperated it was due to my infidelity and she sees the edm scene as a playground for infidelity to happen.
    I know so many people who have split up because of dj'ing (myself included - but I was young - 25).
    Girls like dj's - simple as that - and with you being unfaithful I can see her point of view and why she is worried.

    I don't know what to suggest - taking her with you to the club doesn't work, if anything it makes them more insecure because they see the attention you get.

    If she's adamant that you pack it in then only you can make that decision mate but with kids involved & you having doing it so long perhaps it's time to focus on the radio & hang up the headphones?

    Good luck whatever you decide
    SC | MC

  9. #9
    Tech Mentor Stazbumpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hellnegative View Post
    When we seperated it was due to my infidelity and she sees the edm scene as a playground for infidelity to happen.
    Ouch. Well, props to you for being honest but to be fair your wife does have a point and your actions have done nothing but underline and full stop that point. I'm not judging you, I can't given my own history and the amount of grief I've caused people, but there are kids involved and it's a straight choice between your DJ life and your family. Unfortunately for you, you don't have much of a leg to stand on to argue for a compromise and if I'm brutally honest you really are going to have to pull the proverbial rabbit from the hat to win her trust back.
    If you're lucky you might get away with just DJing less than you do now, otherwise it could be a complete ban until she can trust you again (*if* she can trust you again). I'm not going to pry and ask what caused you to cheat but the reasons for it may be a factor in your ultimate decision. Awkward questions need to be asked and (possibly) painfully honest answers given from both of you. Are you back together for the kids? Or are you both genuinely for each other and wanting to rebuild your marriage?
    Again, I'm not judging you but you put yourself in this position and your decision will affect 3 people other than yourself, at least 2 of whom have no real say in what has happened or what will happen.
    I've been there, I've done that and I've made a mess of it.

    It sucks balls mate, but there it is. Good luck from this side of the pond.



    (Marriage advice in a DJ forum, who knew? )
    Live rig: Denon Prime (5000M's)
    Retired: Denon x1700, Denon SC3900's, Traktor, Technics SL1200's, my vinyl
    Wish list: Some Roland Aira stuff.

  10. #10
    Tech Guru SlayForMoney's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stazbumpa View Post
    (Marriage advice in a DJ forum, who knew? )
    What's more, good marriage advice
    Denon X600 - 2x Denon SC-2000 - AKG K181DJ - NI Audio 2

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