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One friend said to the other, “What is a dilemma, actually?”
· He replied, “Well, there's nothing better than an example
· to illustrate that. Imagine that you are laying in a big bed
· with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man
· on the other.
· Who are you going to turn your back on?
^nice 1 bahahaha.
A man walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm.
Bartender asks him "What's up with the octopus?"
He responds "$1000 says my octopus can play any instrument you put in front of it"
Bartender says "Alright, lets see it. Have it play the piano in the corner"
The guy puts the octopus on the piano and it plays it, beautifully.
People start bringing it other instruments, guitar, trumpet, accordion, it plays everything with ease.
Then someone places a set of bagpipes in front of it. It pokes around, turns it over, lifts up the drones, but doesn't play it.
The man leans in and says "Come on, play it! you're embarrassing me!"
The octopus looks up and says "Play it? I'm gonna fuck it as soon as I figure out how to get it's pajamas off!"
Woman - "men are like handbags. Cheap, full of crap and easily replaced"
Man - "women are like condoms. Spend to much time in YOUR wallet and not enough time on your dick"
Women are the best vehicles in the world because:-
---2 beautiful headlights in the front
---2 great bumpers at the back
---Self -lubrication when hot
---Finger touch ignition
---Automatic engine oil change every month
---Any type of piston fits.
---Multiple seating styles & adjustments
----Great accessories
---Highest mileage 9months with just 5ml refill
---That's why MEN are dying to own one :p
oh my ..
DIALOGUE BETWEEN A LADY INTERVIEWER AND A MALE BEER DRINKER:
Lady Interviewer: Do you drink every day?
Man: Yes.
Lady Interviewer: How much a day?
Man: Around 3 six-packs starting at noon.
Lady Interviewer: How much does a 6-pack cost?
Man: Roughly $10.00 at a deli.
Lady Interviewer: And how long have you been drinking like that?
Man: 15 years.
Lady Interviewer: So with a six-pack costing $10.00, and you consuming 3
six-packs a day, you are spending roughly $900 each month. In one
year, you would then be spending $10,800, correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer, not
accounting for inflation, 15 years puts your spending roughly $162,000;
correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: Did it ever occur to you that if you did not
drink for the last 15 years, you could have bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady Interviewer: No.
Man: So where's your Ferrari?
HAHAHA....Smooth!
oh snap!
Who's your baby’s Daddy?
The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'Father's Details,' or putting it another way...
Who's your baby's Daddy?
These are genuine excerpts from the forms.
Be sure to check out #11, it takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken
unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks... (The runner-up).
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.
8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you axe him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time..... well, I don't have clue..
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World. Maybe it really is the Magic
Kingdom .
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave , mine might have remained unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. (This made number #1).