I don’t think “ass kissing” is the right way to describe it.. I would say do something more along the lines of supporting local nights where you live. Show face, talk to people, talk to DJs, etc. Don’t act like a kid essentially.
I don’t think you have to engrain yourself into the scene of a venue just to play a gig, lots of the times I will just get ahold of the promoter and let him know I am interested in playing a slot if he would have me. Demo’s are fairly essential, and don’t just cover one genre.
Do a couple sets on one disc of multiple genres , or one set that has multiple genres in it. People don’t want to spend HOURS and HOURS listening to your music to see if you can DJ and it always helps if it is in a method that is portable. Ie) CD or downloadable mix on soundcloud.
Essentially if you’re a down to earth person that is in it for the music then you shouldn’t find it hard to get to where you want to be in terms of playing gigs.
Everywhere is different. If you want to play local parties here, you’re expected to support them. If you want to play elsewhere, obviously it depends on your productions and social media presence. I can assure you right now no promoters here that matter will give a shit about your “promo cd with mixes” if you just spam them. Not a single one unless you truly get lucky.
edit- Oh, and as peachy as the whole “as long as you’re in it for the music” thing sounds, it’s just not reality. Promoters care about heads coming in through the door, liquor sales, then music.
I wish I was wrong about all of the above, because I really wish it was all about the music. Unfortunately it’s just not anymore.
Yeah ass kissing is a term used loosly…hehe 
It’s all about the support of the scene. Trust me the club owner has 50 kids a week knocking down his door trying to get a gig.
But if you show them that you are a supporter of the scene, he will view you differently, make friends with the side room djs, buy them a drink, talk about the genres you have in common, try to fall in with a local crew, gigs will come.
Amen buddy. Well said.
Side room is where its at
I wasn’t serious about that. I know what’s right, what’s wrong.
I agree, promoters aren’t DJs and they care about profit. I just don’t understand one thing. You say become friendly with a DJ (besides other staff). I see it like this. If I’ll become friends with DJ then I’m going to cut his hours eventually or I’ll need to wait till he retires and recommends me as a replacement. 
that would be true if you assumed the following:
- the amount of gigs is fixed from now till inifinity
- said DJ will always be playing the same gigs, ignoring other commitments and opportunities in their life
Which isn’t true in real life. Opportunities will fluctuate in a nearly unpredictable manner. maybe is a growing scene and more entertainers are needed, or maybe said dj cant make a gig because they are feeling ill. or maybe the amount of gigs is shrinking and the direction of music favors you over the other person.
maybe you should take a step back and look at the problems you face trying to achieve you goals and take a different approach. its fair to say that everyones situation has its own unique sets of characteristics that make it a bit different than others, so looking for a blanket solution is going to be as vague and unfulfilling as; “say whats up to people, hang out, and be visible”
No. This isn’t a day job. He can dj at other bars. If he doesn’t get slots that’s his problem.
Your thinking about it wrong. Your thinking about replacing a single resident in a club that plays the whole night. The structure in US is different.
You should be targeting larger clubs or even rave events, that have multiple rooms with multiple djs. It is easier to get onto a bill with many djs, then trying to shoot straight to the top of the local scene. Just work your way up the ladder. It is gonna take a year before you start playing the whole night or playing main-stage. (maybe less if your willing to play Trap lol)
If you are good someone will find a place for you. I think of it like baseball. If you are a good hitter they can’t keep you on the bench for long.
Forge some friendships with like minded people. I posted my soundcloud on the the local electronic lovers facebook page and got a new friend out of it. It just happens that he is a local promoter and DJ. He’s lots younger and is way more connected to the local vibe. He likes my sound and wants to set me up with a spot at one of his shows. Voila! minimal effort and made a connection.
I think that’s his main problem.
You have to put in work.
Thank you for advices and giving me hope! 
I dont want you to think that we are being dicks because we are being blunt, there are some harsh truths that evey DJ in America has to realize at one time or another. Yes I wish i could go start playing in europe, I hear its an amazing scene, but for now we gotta keep bustin ass over on our side of the pond.
What a coincidence, I came from Europe to US couple years ago and have been questioning myself if House music here as popular as in EU.