While sat waiting to come on at a club near where i used to live these two guys were playing back to back before me. Everything had been going well and the crowd was loving it, i had about 20 mins before I was due to start.
Suddenly the two DJs playing back to back start arguing about something, shouting comments at each other while trying to play it all starts to get heated and one smashes the other square in the face. This almighty fight breaks out and the are proper going at it just on the floor of the booth, i didn’t know what to do so while they’re on the floor I start waving to the promoter who runs over and tries to break it up. He gets drawn into the ruc, takes a few jabs while trying to wave for the bouncers so I just slyly walked over to the decks, got my tunes out and continued playing for them, meanwhile the are record sleeves, headphones, fists etc flying around behind me, by this time the crowd are all trying to see whats going on, bouncers wade in and the two DJ’s were out on their ears and the crowd cheered and i rocked it!!!
A while back in a small club, I was finishing a set on DVS, my mate, usually on vinyl, put a CD in to play some new demo tune. When we heard some garbling, deep, kick-ass sound coming from the speakers, we went to get a beer. When we came back, the same sound was still playing, and I was kind of wondering about that huge, boring intro. That was when we realized it was actually a track that was still loaded into the laptop and for some reason, the DVS picked up some noise or hum, interpreted it as timecode and played a tiny fraction of the loaded tune back and forth really slowly. For five minutes. Dancefloor was empty, of course.
Last month, when we had a DnB party right after some electroclash-band had a live gig in the same club, another mate started the night with a set on his pacemaker. When i was on my way to the bar (again), I went past those two girls talking to each other and wondering why there was only some premixed cd running and why that guy in the booth was playing with his cellphone for so long instead of finally starting to get to work.
Piss in My Booth
I was DJing open format at this club in Miami, Florida when an old High School friend comes up and says “Yo, man. What’s up? Long time no see.” He jumps up into the booth. He says he really has to pee. “Really bad.” I jump into a mix and ignore him for a moment. Next thing you know he is peeing into the corner of the booth. I thought he was joking. Then I see him pull up his pants with a relieved look on his face and I rip off my headphones and say “You did not really just piss in my DJ booth?” He was really blasted and stumbled oout of my booth like an idiot. Unbelievable.
one that I thought went well just happened to me last saturday at a show…
My set was going well, I was playing a real sick housey-hip hop track when my laptop crashed. I was freaking out because everyone was digging what I was doing. Thankfully the crash kept the sound going (an error report poped up and kept my sound running) I have a djm400 and I hit a 4 bar delay, it was looping a peeeeerfect 4 bar loop. Thankfully I use cdj400’s. I poped in a cd in the other cdj and mixed out of it. the crash couldnt have gone better. I was damn lucky
4 bar roll not delay… my bad
didnt see this one…made my own…so i will add mine here…
i have two…
i was playing an 80s party…rockin some De La Soul…she comes up and ask “can me and my boyfriend hear some hip hop”…i pointed to the speakers and told her “whats this?”…she said “we want to hear some current hip hop”…i leaned over and told her “you do realize this is an 80s party?”…dumb B!tch…
and
“hey man…where’s the ice?”…not sure if he meant for his drink or some crystal meth…(shrugs)…
Cue going out over master is the worst I’ve had.
that is the best qoute of 2010
One time I was DJ-ing a party of a friend of mines and another friend walks into the booth, drunk as a russian lumberjack, and starts asking a bunch of questions. I turn to get a CD out of my book and hear a GOD AWFUL sound. Silence. followed by random scratching
Turns out my friend had fallen asleep on one of the CDj’s (used on vinyl mode) so the music stopped and as he twitched in his sleep he was scratching. I shoved him off and managed to keep the track playing as everyone wondered what the hell happened
This crazy drunk chav came behind the decks at this one place I was playing and gave the other DJ a wedgie while he was bending over looking through his records! He outstayed his welcome though and banged into me while i was mixing - i lost my temper and ejected him across a table full of beer. Apparently after that he pinched the gaffers mrs’s arse outside and got knocked out!
OK. So im playing Drum and Bass (about 170bpm) and this girl comes up to me complaining that the “music is too slow” and that i should “play something faster”.
I of course am deeply confused and briefly consider playing her some gabber or hardstyle. But, i quickly figure she is only counting every other beat which made her think the music is a sloowww 85bpm.
I try and explain this to her and after several minutes of talk with the confused drunk girl:
Her: “Oh so i was only listening to half the beat”
Me: “YES! Thats what i have been saying!”
Her: “OK then, so play it twice as fast!”
Me: Facepalm
I was playing on 4 decks, 2 tt’s and 2 on controllers. So i break into a nice cue juggle routine and this girl comes up and lifts the needle of the goddamn record that playing the backing beat. Then she looks at me and says something like, “You’re not even playing records”. Now i’m pretty professional most of the time and did a swift transition into the next track, even though it was a little out of phrase, but i didn’t have much of a choice. Then i gave her a retarded look and started scratching on the deck she lifted the needle off of. This had her smiling and i guess she was convinced that i was “djing” now. At this point i remembered someone’s story on here about fucking with a girl doing pretty much the same thing. So i motioned for her to come in the both, did a little transform, and kinda put her hand on the deck to let her give it a go. At this point she was super excited, so i figured i would knock her down a few pegs. So i did another little transform, and quickly swapped the main track onto the deck i was scratching on, i motioned for her turn and she was so scared when the beat was replaced by her ill fated attempts at scratching that she just stopped the record with her hand. Now i knew this was coming, and had loaded the classic cartoon trumpet fail sound on my sample deck, “Womp, womp” and the crowd started laughing hysterically. Then this chick pretty much ran out of the club in shame. But the best part is, now she comes back every week and is one of my biggest hype-men at that club, telling everybody how good i am and what not. I never though humiliating someone would be a good way to gain fans, who knew??
Sounds like you’ve got a stalker now mate. 
i wouldnt complain lol
The sound technician who decided to get himself high on Extacy (idiot) dirty dancing with his lighting rigs, put his foot through a sub (not so funny) then eventually stripping naked and proceeding to take a shower in the dancefloor using water bottles.
Down side, during his whatever you call he was doing he was mucking with levels and ended up pinning the monitor levels on myself and my partner of the time causing damage to our hearing.